Delayed Homesickness?
I’m not sure what this is. Is it a 4-year-delayed case of homesickness? Or is it a mounting disgust with the shit of living in a 3rd world country that is full of corruption? Or is it the realization that a number of the friends I’ve made here are considerably more self-centered and not nearly as loyal as they make themselves out to be?
Or maybe it’s because my kid isn’t here?
The things I know are these:
– I look at real estate prices in Colorado altogether too often.
– I HATE, beyond words, living in a place where the local press is keeping track of the number of EXECUTIONS this year. So far we are at 29. And these are not normal big city murders, these are mob-related executions where the people get kidnapped and then shot in the face after a dose of torture.
– Just recently someone in the local mob just happened to stop by my house, yeah right. Excuse me if I feel sick, excuse me if I don’t believe that he was just driving by (on my dead end street).
– I already have a plan for how to move these lovely 10 cats to the U.S. (just watch me, I have it all figured out). It may well cost me 10 grand but I will do it.
– Cancun sucks as a place for walking, or running with, your dog. And guess what, Boulder County DOES NOT! They have this thing called Open Space, which is paid for by tax dollars, and is open to my doggie.
But there are these other problems you see. The first being that I don’t know how I’m going to stand winter again, EVER! Then next being that Americans are cold-hearted bastards and I don’t really want to live around them, especially if they have not traveled extensively or have not lived abroad. Then there’s the problem that there are probably (though I have not looked it up yet) laws against having 10 cats in 1 house in Boulder County. (Not to mention that I don’t want carpet in my house with all these gatitos.) Then there’s the fact that I’m so busy here. I’ve got more to do in the next 6 months than I’ve ever faced before!
And I’m facing all that work while being homesick to the point of not always functioning. Yesterday I just stayed in bed all day, despite the work that needs to be done, and I spent the day reading a novel that takes place in Boulder, Colorado. Pathetic, I know, it just makes me MORE homesick. But at least I’ve now taken my first day off since whenever that was in August.
November 19th, 2007 08:07
I’m sorry your feeling da blues, I think we all get it sometimes. It’s really hard, but sometimes I have to say NO MORE NEWSPAPERS (online or paper) and just step away from all the crap that happens here (or wherever you live, the world weariness came in Canada too if I got caught up in too much reality).
I went through the homesickies for the first time in four years a few weeks ago, freaked me out too since I have no interest in going back, for a lot of the same reasons you mentioned.
Here’s hoping it passes, that you find your next burst of Cancun energy and that friendships find a way to resolve themselves.—Kel
November 19th, 2007 12:34
Thanks Canuck – I know that the main factors right now are that I’m tired from too much work and that I miss my kid. If I just take some time off that will help.
And I can ignore the news for a while, that’s easy. But I don’t need any more crooks dropping in.
As for the friendships, well, I think I just expected too much. False advertising if you will.
November 26th, 2007 15:33
I remember the day I moved to New York area. That night we went to a bar and I met a guy who was out celebrating his last day in NYC. I couldn’t understand what he was so bitter about! Now, 7 years later, I’m looking forward to moving to Mexico and getting out of NYC area, too!
I guess stuff moves in cycles. It’s certainly interesting reading your point of view on the things you love and hate about both places. The only thing that is certain is that everything changes.
November 26th, 2007 20:26
I love Mexico. But sometimes the potholes and the lawlessness and the corruption and the lack of simple things like just being able to mail a letter get to me.
Sometimes I think that I might prefer another area in Mexico, somewhere with a less tourist-driven culture. But in the end I just miss my kid and want to live near her for a while longer before she goes off to college.